Glamour Girls
Having 2 girls, I often think and worry about how we are going to help them get through all the challenges of being a girl, and particularly how to raise girls who don’t have the negative body issues that so many girls, women (and men) have today. Not an easy task, I think!
Today there was an article on one of the news sites I read about the new Dove “Onslaught” commercial. The ad shows a young girl being bombarded with images of skinny models, diet aids and plastic surgery. The tag line is “Talk to your daughter before the beauty industry does”.
I think its great that Dove has the guts to make a statement about their own industry, even if the cynic in me suspects it might just be a new marketing ploy. Anything that highlights the out of control images that girls are getting is probably a good thing. The Onslaught commercial is the second in the series of Dove ads, starting with “Evolution”.
I am concerned about the stereotypes and messages that Guerita is being fed (and Chiq in time), particularly here in Mexico. Many of the women here are very glamorous, even in their everyday “drop the kids off at school” gear, with perfect hair, makeup and nails at all times. By contrast, I almost never wear make-up during the day, am completely hopeless with a hairdryer and have had a manicure about….once, for my wedding. On our drive to school, we pass at least 3 Hair and Beauty Salons aimed specifically at kids and I have been told that girls as young as 6 are having their makeup and nails done for special occasions like their school graduation! When Guerita has a hair cut her hair is plastered and styled with gel and mousse which I then spend days washing out. Most of the girls in her class have their hair done like this every day. It is not uncommon for Guerita to come home from school with her hair re-done by the teacher (probably because she yanked the elastic out of the hurried ponytail I did for her) and she has even come home once with a little gift of lip-gloss from the teacher’s aide.
I don’t think this is just a “Living in Mexico” issue; I know that this trend to let little girls dress up like adults is probably evident in many places, but it feels even more over the top here. I am constantly trying to counteract the messages by trying to keep a lid on these sorts of grown up activities (I let her put her little glitter lipstick on at home but not outside the house) and trying to reinforce her other qualities that are more important than looking good. Guerita will say to me “Mum, do I look pretty?” And I’ll say “Yes, but its also good to be clever and kind and thoughtful and generous”. I think she sees through my feeble attempts at mind manipulation, though, and says, in an exasperated tone “I know that, Mum!”
What I would hope for my girls is that they don’t spend a large proportion of their day worrying, or even thinking for that matter, about how they look. I don’t mean I hope they are naturally thin and gorgeous and never have to go on a diet, what I mean is that I hope that the superficiality of outward appearances is not an all-consuming element in their lives. Maybe this will be hard to acheive, and very few people are truly free of body image issues (who doesn’t look in the mirror at least once a day, even if its just to make sure they haven’t tucked their skirt into their knickers?) but hopefully they won’t spend hours each day examining every physical attribute and flaw.
A lot of research and articles say that girls (and boys too probably) often inherit poor body images from their mothers. I think, for the most part, I’ve had a fairly healthy body image, and I’ve only really been on one proper, serious diet, about 18 months after Guerita was born. I don’t have perfect eating habits, by any stretch of the imagination (I can’t resist chocolate and drink too much Diet Coke!) but I make a conscious effort not to talk about dieting, getting fat or any dissatisfaction with the way I look around the girls, but more about balance (ie at least trying a bit of everything on the plate) and growing up to be strong and healthy.
I already look ahead to the tween and teen years with some trepidation and think about what we can do to protect our girls from all these unrealisitic images and influences. Let’s just hope what we can provide in the home is enough to counteract the messages they will receive from the media, their friends and the rest of the world out there…
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I do try to project a positive attitude about my body and about eating too - everything in moderation - I mean we’re living in the land of chocolate here! But, like you I’m not a dieter and I think that’s a great gift to give your girls. What must kids think when mum is constantly on this or that fad diet - what sort of message does it send? I worry too about smoking - so many teenage girls and women smoke here - heaps more than you would see in Australia. Its scary!
I really hate diets. Diet is a four letter word. I like that dove campaign, I am always amazed what I hear come out of some of my daughters friends mouths. (these are girls 11-12) My daughter is actually very small. People mistake her and her younger brother (he’s 9) for twins. And he’s small for his age too! (The girl is in the bottom 5th percentile the boy in the bottom 20. ) So a lot of the bitchier little girls pick on my daughter because she is quite hairy. (She has hair on her top lip that is quite dark, we have Indian genes, I blame my great grandfather for the hairy legacy!)And because she is so small.
We experience the other end of the scale. It’s amazing how many people feel it is their absolute right to tell me and my daughter to go eat a big mac. Even though I am a very healthy weight.
I sometimes worry how that will effect her. When everybody focuses on how small she is. I knew a girl in highschool who was the same way. She and I were the same size ingrade 7-9, then she developed anorexia, because she wasn’t staying small, but needed to be. My girl knows that because she is entering puberty, she needs to eat, she needs to put really good fuel in her body (iron rich food since she needs extra during puberty for all the changes in her body). She also knows that with puberty can come a bit of puppy fat, I explained to her that as a woman, this is actually necessary, (especially around the hips) becuase this is where store our oestrogen the very thing that makes us women. It’s where we store the energy needed for pregnancy. But we don’t make a big deal out of it. Weight is something we don’t talk about. But health is.
Penny - I agree about the smoking. I don’t see lots of people smoking where we live, but you still see lots of cigarette ads which really stand out after not seeing them for so long at home. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a bit of chocolate, I think if I tried to ban it, it would probably make Guerita want it even more. I think that’s part of having a healthy relationship with food, recognising that treats are nice to have, but in balance with everything else. Now I just have to convince myself of that too!
Lostinsuburbia - I agree that the issues are just as much a problem for small people as for large people, and the teenage years can be brutal, particularly for girls. Its amazing how people seem to think they have the right to tell you what to do and make assumptions about your eating habits. It sounds very sensible what you are saying to your daughter and I really think that the messages out there have become so far removed from the simple proposition that food is the fuel our body needs and helps us grow and function. Its all about too much fat, carbs, more protein, etc etc. Its hard to combat not only the media’s messages but also what our kids hear from their friends.
I just got the book Real Boys by Wm. Pollack (excellent) about raising boys and it was compared to the book Reviving Ophelia by Mary Pipher which is a similar book about raising girls. Both books are written from a psychological perspective. I fully intend to get Reviving Ophelia on my next trip to the US.
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