Broken
This is the hardest blog post I have ever written. I didn’t want to write it. I wanted to just pretend everything’s fine and not broken. But I can’t because I’m not sure that everything can be fixed. I have been really fighting the urge to present life through rose-coloured glasses like I usually do, like somehow if I don’t say it out loud or publish it on the Internet for the world to see, then it won’t be true, but I think I need to share this. I don’t know why or how, but I’m hoping it will help me in some way.
A few weeks ago, my marriage fell apart. It was one of those life changing moments when my husband confessed to the ultimate cliche. There’s someone else he wants to be with more.
After 8½ years of marriage, 13½ years together, this was the last thing I expected. When I initiated a conversation as to why we were both so cranky lately and why he seemed distant, I expected a heart-to-heart about how difficult we had found it lately being away from family and our support structures and how sometimes bringing up 2 kids was a struggle (with none of that support) that took all our energy leaving little for each other. How things would be much better when we got back home to Australia. I know those were my reasons.
I wasn’t expecting the script of a bad movie. I’m sorry. I never meant for it to happen.
I wasn’t expecting to feel humiliated, scared, angry, miserable, lonely and so many other emotions.
I don’t know what to think right now. I think I’m still in shock. All I can think is everything is….
broken
Our family.
Our plans for the future.
My kids’ lives.
My heart.
Similar Posts from the Archives
8 years on… (3 comments)
Travel Diary (6 comments)
In Case You Were Wondering… (13 comments)
Comments protected by Lucia's Linky Love.
{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
OMG.
My heart goes out to you.
I know I can’t say anything that can fix this but I’d like you to know that you are well loved and supported.
Cello x
Cellobellas last blog post..How to ask for what you want
Without even knowing you, my first response is how could this happen to a family that has been on such an adventure together?
I’m so sorry to hear this awful news and just hope that the girls are okay, and that you have someone nearby who can offer support.
Ms last blog post..All Buttons Great and Small
Oh god, I am so sorry to hear that.
I wish we had words to take away your pain, but know we are all thinking of you and wishing you well. It must be so hard being away from the safety and comfort of your family and friends back in Australia.
Take care, and be kind to yourself!
Lxx
So, so sorry to hear this, what an awful thing to go through when you’re trying to move home too, what a lot of angst and confusion all at the same time. I wish there was something I could say that would help a little, but there probably isn’t. Take care of yourself as much as you can. Hugs and good wishes from Perth xxx
Amandas last blog post..Same sky: Multicultural business English
Oh Guera…I’m so sorry to read this. And it must be particularly hard when you are so far from ‘home’ and in the midst of trying to get organised to move back. Do take care of yourself. I hope you have good friends nearby that can help support you.
Fairlies last blog post..Oh look-ee here. I got me some style.
No!
My heart just skipped a beat reading this…. I have to admit when you blogged early that you were dealing with some personal stuff I so hoped this wasn’t it….
So so sorry to hear your news… wishing you lots of strength and love to get through the coming weeks.
katefs last blog post..Echo? echo?
hugs honey.
Bettinas last blog post..And this one time,
OMG I am so sorry. And here I was sending you anti-cancer vibes instead. I dont know what to say. I just wish I could give you a big hug…
My heart grabbed when I read it and I guess it is what you alluded to a few posts back.
I wish I had something else comforting and earnest to say but I don’t … bigs hugs Guera.
Praying for strength to allow you to take this one day at a time.
I am in awe of your honesty too - it must be gut wrenching.
Trishs last blog post..Smiley Saturday
Oh no…I´m so, so sorry. I suspected that there might be a problem like this when you mentioned it, only because this has happened recenly to two other expat blog friends and so my antennae has been up. I of course hoped not.
This must be so difficult for you in the middle of a foreign country too and away from your family on top of it all. I am here if you need me and wouldn´t mind one bit if you´d like to escape for a girly visit (I´m alone for the next two weekends). It could be good to get away for a few days.
misschriss last blog post..Eight days in bloom: 6
G - my thoughts and my tears are with you. I understand why you have waited. Facing the reality thought often lessens the pain…and look how many women have now drawn sword by your side.
I once thought I would die from the heart pain of separation or that I would dehydrate from all the tears spent. Instead, once I was empty, I was able to refill with a different life…and now my life is better than ever before.
My care to you and the girls.
I am truly, so sad for you and your girls. I know that was a hard post for you to write. I’m glad you did because now we can support you and love you and help you through this mess.
I am thinking of you
tiffs last blog post..The walls of the room are pink.
I agree with what everyone has said, I am so sad for you and your family, but I am glad you have shared this just so you can know that there are lots of people out here in the blogosphere thinking of you and sending you love.
Super Sarahs last blog post..
My heart goes out to you, as I can understand how this hurts.
Take each day as it comes, and remember it will get easier with time.
Lisa Bs last blog post..Smiley Saturday! - On Monday
Oh my gosh, Guerra - I am so, so sorry that you are going through this. I cannot imagine how difficult it is for you - but am amazed by your strength and ability to share such a personal thing. I am glad that you did - as you can see, so many of us who follow your life and feel like we know you are supporting you in spirit and praying for your continued strength. I hope your girls are ok - and I hope that you are being kind to yourself and allowing yourself to deal with this in whatever way you need. Please know that you are in my constant thoughts and prayers.
Rupals last blog post..A Bit of This and That
This is the first time I’ve read your blog and now I have to know how you’re doing since this post. So sorry for the shit you’re going through.
Xs last blog post..A woman’s right to shoes
Oh, I am so, so sorry. For you and your girls. Thinking of you.
I’m so sorry that you and your girls have to go through this. Ever. But particularly now when you are preparing to pack up and move home.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. If there is anything that I can do please let me know.
Take care of yourself and sending you lots of hugs.
I wish you strength and courage through this difficult and awful time. I think it was very brave of you to blog about it and I genuinely hope it help you.
PlanningQueens last blog post..10 Online Learning Game For Junior Primary School
i’ve been reading you but have not yet commented. i am sorry this is my first time doing so.
sometimes broken things can be repaired and if this is at all a possibility, i wish it for you.
ms picket to yous last blog post..Hot House
Love and hugs to you and the girls.
Anything you need babe…
I’ve been where you’re currently sitting…not just once but twice…there is little anyone can say or do to help…knowing you have support is a huge help, yes, but at the end of the day, the pain is still there, as is the lonliness and haeartache…also know, it does improve with time as you find yourself, and realise you can do it…it’s amazing what the human mind and body can cope with when it needs to…you will find an inner strength you never knew existed guera…be prepared to feel as if you you’re emerging from a chrysalis…i have a contact form on my blog…don’t be scared to use it should you need to…
i’m thinking of you and the girls….hang in there kiddo…hang in there…
[...] the wheels fell off a month ago what most people expected, including my husband, was that I would want to get on the [...]
Leave a Comment