Guerita will be 6 in a few months, and tomorrow will start Year One (eek!). I’ve been thinking lately that she is probably ready to start receiving pocket money and having some set chores around the house.
Over the last 6 months I’ve made some half-hearted efforts to instigate chores but I must admit I haven’t followed through with them being a regular, every day thing. It is definitely one of my failings that I’m not good at enforcing my rules, particularly when enforcement involves constant and frustrating nagging.
I’m keen to improve my own efforts in this regard, but I’m looking for advice on what and how much to expect from a (nearly) 6 year old.
What’s been your experience with introducing chores? At what age and what sort of jobs did/do your kids have to do?
I’m in two minds about introducing pocket money in conjunction with chores, because in my idealist fantasy world, I would like to think that she might do the chores because it’s nice for everyone in the family to pitch in and help each other out. I’d like to imagine that she would accept that it’s part of sharing a household and being a family, that we all have jobs to do.
But the realistic me knows that the process will probably go smoother if there’s some incentive to the jobs, particularly when my previous requests have been met with disbelief and exclamations of “why do I have do all the work”. (I try not to splutter about who actually does do ALL the work around this house. 
) My casual mention of pocket money the other day sparked an interest from her though, so maybe that will be an effective way to enforce the chores.
I’ve told her that we’re going to talk about what chores she will have to do and how much pocket money she’ll get, but I’ll probably wait a week or two so she can get settled back into school before actually introducing them.
These are the chores I have in mind as being age-appropriate and not too onerous for her:
- Make her bed each morning (she already does this some of the time, although she complains that she can’t do it properly, despite me telling her it doesn’t have to be perfect – she only has to pull the sheet and the quilt up, it doesn’t matter if it’s not completely smooth)
- Tidy her bedroom before bed each night (I will help her with this task, because she shares a room with Chiq, and it’s a bit unfair to expect Guerita to clean up her mess too)
- Set the table
- Clear her dishes from the table at dinner time (I can’t decide if I should make her clear everyone’s dishes or just her own)
- Clean up her toys/games after playing with them or before bed (the mess of toys around our house drives me insane and I know the only way to keep it under control is to tackle it regularly)
I’m not sure whether to add a few other things like brush teeth, get dressed for school, brush hair – all things we already do, but do I make them her responsibility?
Do you think this list sounds like too many tasks? Or too few?
While I’m at it I also have started enforcing a few “house rules” like food is only to be eaten at the table in the kitchen so I need to decide whether/how to incorporate that into chores and pocket-money.
One problem I come up against when I ask Guerita to do some of these chores is that she will complain that Chiq doesn’t have to do any. Obviously Chiq is too young to really understand “chores” or an obligation to do them, although I do often ask her to complete tasks for me or with me, like put something in the bin or help pack up the toys and I am enforcing the house rules on her as well. Perhaps I need to nominally give Chiq some easy chores for the benefit of Guerita, as long as I can still be seen by her as being fair. Of course, I explain to Guerita that Chiq is too young and that when she’s older she’ll be doing chores too, but she still gets upset.
So, what are your words of wisdom and advice? How have you handled it with your kids?
And what’s the going rate for pocket money for kids these days? I have heard ranges from 50c a week to $5!
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
Aw sweetie… these are the kind of things that are harder when you’re a single parent. The decisions AND the follow-through. I’ve had a lot of help from external professional sources throughout the years in all of this, and will share what I know.
I do not equate pocket money with work around the house. My boys get pocket money put into a bank account every week (direct deposit) which they can use to buy things that I’m not prepared to buy for them (games for example). I’ve put $5 a week in their accounts since they were about 5 or 6.
They have “responsibilities” not chores. And when they were little I put them on a chart on the fridge so that they could actually see them. They got rewards (age appropriate and decided by you and them together – but experiential rather than bought) if they had completed all of their responsibilities for the week, and got consequences (eg: no desert or no extra night-time reading) if they hadn’t.
And I don’t think they’re ever too young to start. Chiq would probably love to help her big sister tidy the room (although she would need you to help her too) or to take her plate to the kitchen.
My boys had room tidying, dishwasher emptying, taking the rubbish out, putting the laundry away (huh!), teeth cleaning, clearing table etc on their charts. And the upside is that now those things are just natural. They can do extra things for extra pocket money (sort out the store-room, clean the car etc) but mostly they just do them to help.
The main thing is the follow-through, which is why a chart is good. With lovely stickers or stamps to show when they’ve completed a task. If you hesitate about enforcing their jobs, you’re setting yourself up for constant nagging. If you spend a week or so dealing with the whinging and DO NOT GIVE IN, then I reckon you’ll be fine.
Please excuse the tone of this post… I’ve got Family Court in 2 hours and am a bit shaky and fuzzy in the head. Hope it was helpful. xoxox
Get her to clear just her own dishes for now until she’s at least 10 or 12.
Teeth, hair and getting dressed aren’t really chores.
Point out that Chiq helps tidy up her toys, etc but isn’t a big, responsible girl like Gurerita is, yet
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Fe’s advice is very good. We also pay our older children 5 dollars a week. They have regular chores, packing/unpacking dishwasher, hanging out washing etc and they are also expected to do a certain number of chores I just throw at them – we do operate largely on the ‘that’s what being a part of a family is all about’ theory. On Saturdays or Sundays they usually receive a long list of chores to complete, and like Fe’s they can do extra chores, like clean out the car or some weeding for extra money by negotiation.
I’m sure they think they are terribly hard done by, they know better than to complain too much! We do use the loss of pocket money as a behavioural incentive but we didn’t introduce that until the last couple of years.
I think the level of chores sounds good for a 6yo. Our 3yo already asks for chores when the other kids are doing theirs and Chiq might start to do the same at some point? They actually like having some responsibilities, I’ve found.
Good luck!
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I would suggest using your list as her basic responsibilities around the house – cleaning up after yourself is not really a chore… and that list wouldn’t add up to more than 15 minutes a day. Maybe try her off on that for two weeks, she sees that she can handle it, and think of a few other things that she can do to earn pocket money – $3-6? It covers both concepts: we all have to help around the house and tidy up after ourselves, BUT at the same time, it recognises the idea that adults get paid for doing work, so they can too. I would be inclined to give a dollar per year of age, provided she has earned it by additional chores and maybe saves half for something long-term.
HI, I went thru this delemma last year and ended up with just a small list and a corresponding small (50c) payment each week. The list was mostly just to get us out the door each morning – eat breakfast/ get dressed/ shoe & socks on /teeth/ set dinner table / clean up living room floor b4 bed. I didn’t make it on weekends which allowed me to deduct 10c per day when things didn’t happen. Have to say it didn’t really work until after a few weeks there was enough money to go buy something – then the whole money thing became a usuable idea!
Good luck with it and the start of school!
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Regular pocket money has only started in our house in the last six months after many failed attempts in the past. Both kids get the same money ($5). It is handed out on a Saturday morning after a “room inspection”. Very army, I know, but it works for us.
Pocket money is tied to an overall concept of providing reasonable help around the house. The kids have to make their beds, pull up their blinds, keep their rooms in reasonable order, clear their own dishes after meals (and stack in the dishwasher) and help with other things when asked eg. setting table.
We found that paying for individual chores doesn’t work in our family.
After trying different approaches we find that paying cash works best. PL buys extra lego and games; Blossom buys fashion items. We encourage them to spend the money, rather than save, because it keeps them wanting more and keeps them helping around the house. It just depends on how your child is motivated.
The whole chore/pocket money thing didn’t work for us prior to the kids being 8 and 10.
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Hi, came via Le’s blog. I loved reading everyones ideas. I don’t do pocket money yet, but my girls put their dishes/cups in the sink , and tidy up before bed..hmmm, not much really, no wonder I feel like I do everything!
We are just beginning this journey in our house… In general our girls like to help around the house – if I am cleaning they will happily offer to help with things like unstacking the dishwasher and cleaning the toilet (that is Izzy’s fav job!). We’ve slowly begun to add more expectations such as clearing their place after dinner and one or two other jobs that everyone else does to ‘help keep our house nice’. I’ve just started to make them a routines chart – they are incredibly obsessed with knowing what day it is and what is on each day so I also added in the little things they need to each day – brush their hair etc etc. The only thing we really butt heads on is packing up… so recently we’ve begun the ‘50 cents a week if you keep your room reasonable and tidy up at the end of the day’. I’ve not put any limits on it, nor said they would loose money if they didn’t do it… that’s too much work to keep track of and too much like a bribe to me… but they are very keen on money and being able to buy things that I won’t, so while I’ve ummed and ahhed about putting a monetary value on packing up, we are trying it out for now, and it’s been much more about the larger idea of what everyone does to keep things liveable and how then everyone shares in the rewards… and since DH and I get a say in what we spend the household money on it seemed fair that if they contributed to the household they should get a say over some of the money too… does that make sense?
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hello there …
our boys are six and four and I really think they are a bit young to get the whole thing.
We do beds in the morning and they get 10cents. I ask them to do it and then if they do they get the 10c straight away, if they don’t do it I don;t nag but no 10c.
As far as teeth go I think an adult needs to be involved until they are about ten – it is so important and cannot be left to unskilled hands.
I feel picking up toys and doing general ‘helping’ in not a chore or pocket money related – I think that is there contribution to family life.
As far as value …. less is more – $5 seems like a lot for a wee six year old … small value sivler coins ‘looks more’ …
I also worry about life getting too serious too young .. there is already so much more pressure on childhood these days … I like your idea of it being more a family obligation than a chore ..
Your judgement is sound and you know your girls best so go forth
le
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Miss 3 gets $1 for her piggy bank each week because she truly grasps the whole idea of money. She just has to help me pack away the toys every evening.
She then has to use her money if there is something she really wants (usually outfits for her Dora Doll), and she hates parting with her money!
I started with “Saturday jobs” first. Everyone in the family has their own jobs to do (including mum & dad). I found this easier because the kids seem happier to do stuff if everyone is doing them and I only needed to follow up on 1 day a week (rather than daily). We have “daily jobs” now but that’s a more recent introduction.
I began pocket money as a “not related to chores” exercise. My purpose was to teach them about money and I see it as a portion of my budget where they get to choose how it is spent. As they’ve gotten older, I’ve increased their responsibility of what they have to pay for as well as slightly increasing their pocket money. My 11 year old still basically gets the same “spending money” as he did when he was 4 (because what he has to buy with his money has gone up with the increase in amount) and I’ve done this deliberately to encourage him to want to work for more.
So we also have “paid jobs” (as well as jobs they do just because they are a part of the family) now. These are optional things they do when they want extra money (non-paid chores are non-optional).
It sounds complicated but we’ve added things in slowly, step by step. I think it’s especially important to work on 1 thing at a time and keep it simple.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
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Just wanted to throw in my two cents worth because another point of view can’t hurt in these types of discussions I don’t think.
Like a few of the others who have commented most of the things you’ve listed above we consider responsibilities in our house.
We’ve explained that families work together for the benefit of everyone in the family and that we have all responsibilities. We explain that if the kids want to share in the privileges (fun stuff) then they need to help by being responsible with their stuff and being helpful to mum or dad when asked.
We have three groups that things fit in to.
Self care – teeth, hair, all of those grooming and independance things, they are just stuff that the kids need to learn to take care of themselves. As they need less help and prompting they got less help and prompting.
Responsibilities – making their bed, putting their dirty clothes in the basket, tidying up their toys, clearing away their plates, etc are all things that they should do to learn to be resonsible, considerate, tidy and independant. Then we have just general helping around the house – Everyone uses the living room, kitchen and bathroom so everyone helps keep those rooms clean and tidy. Everyone loves the animals so everyone helps take care of the pets. We don’t pay them for doing any of these things and not doing them results in a loss of privileges likes computer time or game time or tv/movie time, use of phones etc.
Chores – chores are extra things on top of the things they are responsible for that help us out. Dusting (and even the littlest child can dust something), watering pot plants, anything that they can handle at their age (our kids are now big enough to wash cars and help mow lawns and whatnot). These we pay them for. And they are optional. If they don’t want to do them, they simply don’t get paid. We aren’t creating a rod for our own backs and a lifetime of nagging by having them think that they can decide they can live without pocket money so shouldn’t have to clean their room or pick up after themselves. And we want them to know that if they want more, they have to work for it, that they aren’t just going to get whatever they want handed to them for doing what they should be doing anyhow.
BUT. We also just give our kids a little money too. We expect them to contribute to the house by taking care of their responsibilities so they get to share in the spoils so to speak. lol They can do what they like with it. Sometimes they bank it, sometimes they save it, sometimes they take it to school and shout all their friends to a treat from the canteen.
We find that having a little money actually creates incentive to do the chores to earn a little extra. Especially now that the girls are wanting things like phone credit
lol
The only advice really that I can offer about Guerita complaining that Chiq doesn’t have chores is to explain to her that Chiq is still learning how to do some of the things Guerita can do.
As for the nagging…….. make the things you want her to learn to be responsible for an expectation, not a job/chore. Have clear consquences for not meeting those responsibilities in a timely fashion and follow through. You’ll butt heads in the short term, but have much less nagging in the long term.
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I am a big fan of “responsibilities” aka chores. I am totally on with Mistress B’s statements about the philosophy that families work together. In our family, that is essential, since we have a family beef business.
I feel very strongly that helping with family life is critical to a child’s education as well as to developing their sense of belonging in the family, lifetime social responsibility and ultimately their self esteem.
I also think that allowances should be that, not payment for being responsible. We do always have extra work that can be done for extra money (my boys ar 7 and 9, but we’ve been doing this since the youngest started preschool).
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