Expat Life

One of my goals when we returned to Perth from Mexico was to find a way for us (particularly Guerita) to keep practicing and speaking Spanish so as not to forget everything we learned in the last 2 years. I’m so pleased with how well Guerita was doing with her Spanish by the time we left and not unhappy with my own progress in learning the language, but I know how easy it is to forget when you’re not using it regularly. I used to be able to speak French quite well, but I’ve lost so much of it now.

So, when we got back I started asking and calling around to see if I could find a conversation class or some sort of Spanish speaking group. I wasn’t feeling very confident about it - Spanish isn’t so widely spoken here as other languages. I’d have no problem finding a French conversation class at Alliance Française and I’m pretty sure there’d be quite a few services for Asian languages. I was pretty happy though to find out about a group called Bilingual Families of Perth - a loose umbrella for different groups of foreign language speakers, who organise seminars, playgroups and after-school activities in various languages. Although the Spanish group is not very large and are not running their usual kid’s meetings after school at the moment, I did get to speak to a lady who’s involved in the organisation and the other day she rang me to see if I’d like to come along to a picnic get-together of the group.

I must admit, I felt a bit nervous about going - just like going along to various social gatherings in Mexico, I wondered whether I’d be able to keep up with the conversation and how we’d go meeting and getting to know new people in a language that is still a bit foreign to us. But I was determined to overcome those nerves, both for my sake and kids. I know my Spanish has already started to get rusty and Guerita has become reluctant to speak Spanish lately. I have been trying to speak more with her in Spanish (both for her sake and mine) which she is happy with, but she shies away from the many requests to “say something in Spanish” and “Teach me how to say … in Spanish”. Unfortunately she seems to have just hit the age where she’s aware that speaking another language makes her different from the other kids and when I asked her why she didn’t tell the kids in her class that she spoke Spanish she said “Because it’s a secret”.

So, off we went on the weekend to seek out the Spanish Playgroup Picnic, at a popular riverside spot on a beautiful sunny long weekend Monday. I’d never been to this spot before and was a little dismayed to see how large the area was and how many people were there. With such great weather, it seemed that everyone who owned a boat or a jetski was putting it on the water that day and without knowing what any of the people we were meeting looked like, I wasn’t sure how we’d go finding them. We wandered amongst the groups of people sitting on the grass, with me saying to Guerita “Listen very carefully for people speaking Spanish”! We probably got some strange looks as we walked just that little bit too close, or paused just that little bit too long to eavesdrop on conversation and right when we were ready to give up, we happened upon a smallish group chattering away at a mile a minute in a familiar way.

I’m so glad we went! We met a lovely group of interesting people from diverse backgrounds. That’s the thing about a language like Spanish - it brings together people from so many countries (which definitely challenges your ear with all the different accents). It was interesting to hear all the reasons that brought these people to Perth (mostly marriage to Aussies or work). Guerita took a little while to come out of her shell and didn’t speak a lot of Spanish, but I’m hoping she’ll relax a bit if we keep going to these meet-ups. There was talk of a once a month get-together which I’m hoping will happen. In the meantime, she and I will have to keep blundering our way through together. I might think about some Spanish lessons for myself, and maybe for her too, but my feeling is that she would respond a lot better to informal conversation rather than formal lessons.

Not to forget about little Chiq either - it’s definitely good for her to continue being exposed to the language. I’m sure she had a fairly good understanding of it when we left, at an 18 month old level of course. Just as we were leaving Mexico she said her first word in Spanish - appropriately, Adios - and she has just started saying a few other things such as Hola and ¡Oje! (which means Hey!). I really want her to have some lasting legacy of the country of her birth, not just the Mexican passport.

Time will tell how we go, but I am keen to keep working on it. It takes a lot of determination, though. There are many times when I just want to take the easy way out and speak English, but I have to force myself to practice!

So, on that note…¡Adios! Voy a practicar mi español. (I’m going to practice my Spanish)

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One more thing - I’m off to Sydney tomorrow so internet access will be light. I may or may not get a chance to post so if not, brace yourself for lots of photos of beach holidays, views from the top of Sydney Harbour Bridge and blogger meet-ups when I return!

I will be able to check email, so if you are interested in coming along to our get-together at 10:30am on Wednesday 8th Oct let me know and I’ll send you the details. We’ve got a good crew coming along but more are welcome.

Otherwise - “see” you all round the net in about 10 days!

Tomorrow morning we board a plane to leave Mexico for the last time. It’s hard to put into words how I feel about leaving because I have so many conflicting emotions about it. It’s a real shame that the last few months have been so awful, because it has cast a pall over our whole time in this country. It’s been hard not to resent being here, and all the horrible changes it has brought to my family, hard not to find myself wishing we had never come here.

I know that I can’t logically blame the country for my problems, although I think I will always wonder if things might have turned out differently if we hadn’t accepted this job and stayed on in our comfortable life in Australia.

I particularly feel so bad that our Mexican adventure is tinged with such sadness because it was also the location for one of the happiness events of my life - the birth of my gorgeous little Chiquitita (Chiq). I hope that with time I will be able to appreciate our time here for what it was, and what it taught us, at least for her sake, so we can look back on the country of her birth with fondness.

So, in an effort to focus on the good that has come out of the last 2 years here, I thought I’d do a retrospective of our time. I didn’t start blogging until over a year into the stint, so I’ll have to fill you in on a few things from life “BB” (before blog).

We arrived in July 2006 into the scorching heat of a Mexican summer. It routinely reaches temps of 45C+ here and I was 3 months pregnant and with a 3 year old in tow, so it hit us hard. For the first month we stayed in a hotel and got more than our share of frijoles, quesadillas and french fries. I have never craved a salad so much in my life.

During that month, we were helped by a wonderful woman who worked for a company associated with Rocky’s with everything from finding us a house, buying a car, finding a pre-school for Guerita, finding an OB/GYN who spoke English and generally helping us to settle into Mexican life. L is a few years younger than me and as well as helping us with all these essential chores, she also welcomed me into her circle of friends and invited me to lunches, bridal showers, baby showers, girls’ nights out…she included me in her whole life. I often sat at these parties trying desperately to keep up with the fast paced Spanish conversations, but she and her friends made me feel so welcome. I remarked to her the other day that I loved going to all these functions with her because I really got to experience what life is like for your average Mexican woman (or at least the version of “average” that her friends represented). It was a  true cultural experience and I was equally struck by our similarities as our differences. I found a truly wonderful friend in L and am very sad to say goodbye to her (but also excited because she has plans to come a visit me in Perth and possibly stay to study for a year).

Once we moved into our house and Guerita started preschool, we started to settle into life and find our routine. We were on a steep learning curve in particular with learning Spanish, which made even the most mundane everyday task a challenge. It was frustrating and exhausting but also exciting and exhilarating, specially when you made a little breakthrough. I remember the day I worked out how to pay the phone bill all on my own - it felt like such an achievement! Guerita settled in well to school and embraced the language and culture. Every day she would come home with a new Spanish word and would astound me with how easy she could make friends and play with the other kids, even when they weren’t speaking the same language. The school year was filled with new and exciting fiestas, like Mexican Independence Day, Dia de los Muertos, Halloween, Dia de los Ninos and many others.

We also quickly discovered that Mexican food is very different to what we get back home, with much more variety and flavour. We are in cattle country here, so the steak is fabulous, but it was the simple taco that blew us away. We quickly found our local taco joint and became regular patrons. This place is so good, I later blogged about it!

I found a lovely OB/GYN in a hospital I was very comfortable with and before we knew it we had been here 6 months when Chiq was born not long after Christmas. My parents visited for the birth and a few months later we were back in Perth for a holiday to show off the new bundle of joy and attend my brother’s wedding, where Guerita was a flower girl.

When we returned to Mexico, I really started to feel like we were settling into life here. We started to get involved in a few more activities (ballet for Guerita, Gymboree for Chiq, and English Speaker’s Group for me) and I felt like we were managing with everyday life much better. Our language skills had improved a lot, in particular Guerita who was babbling away in Spanish with no self-consciousness at all.

After another long and unbearably hot summer, we prepared ourselves for a busy period of visitors and holidays around Mexico. I was so glad to get a chance to see some other parts of the country. I was blogging by this time so you can look back at some of my holiday posts:

• Veracruz
• Mexico City - Part 1 and Part 2
• Playa del Carmen
• A Weekend in Alamos

and some of my favourite photos from our Mexican holidays:

Ballet Folklorico de Veracruz

Pyramid of the Sun, Teotihuacan

Skeletons in the Zocalo (main square of Mexico City)

The ruins of Tulum (near Playa del Carmen and Cancun)

The haciendas of Alamos

And so our 2 years here has flown by, as I knew it would. We have experienced so much and seen so much that I know I shouldn’t, and won’t in time, look back on this time with regret. We have learnt a new language, experienced a different culture first hand, and met some of the kindest, friendliest and most helpful people there are.

There’s many things I’m looking forward to about going home, but also a lot of things I will miss about Mexico - the food, the fiestas, the colour but most of all the people.

¡Gracias, México!

Today was Guerita’s last day of school, also the last day of the school year, so there was lots of excitement around the playground, from kids and teachers alike. The teacher asked me if I’d like to come in early to the class as they had planned a farewell party for Guerita. We’re really going to miss this school. Even though they do things a little differently here, the teachers and staff are so caring and kind and thoughtful and it seems they have a real soft spot for Guerita (and she for them). She’s always been the one that stands out, given her blonde hair and us being pretty much the only Australians in town, so I guess that’s part of it. (I suspect adjusting to being “one of the crowd” back home might take a bit of getting used for her.)

The day’s activities were pretty low-key - some games, a cake and playtime in the playground. It’s been pretty hot here lately (over 40C every day) so the kids didn’t last long outside before they were worn out. Chiq and I turned up just as they were about to retreat back to the comfort of the air-conditioned classroom.

The kids were pretty excited and everyone danced around the room for the rest of the party, plus posed for photos for me

Chiq even tried to get a spot of IT training while she was there…

The teachers presented Guerita with a book the class had made specially for her - each child had drawn a picture of themself and they made a cover with a map of Mexico and of Australia. They also had made a DVD photo slideshow with loads of photos of Guerita with her school friends and teachers, taken throughout the year. It was so sweet, it brought a tear to my eye; that they had gone to so much effort for her. We will certainly never forget how lovely this little school was, and how much she enjoyed her time here. This will always be her first school, with lots of great memories.

As much as we’re looking forward to going home, we’re still a little sad to say

¡Adios Pre-escolar!

When you think of piñata I’m guessing you think of something like this.

One of the linguistic curiosities we’ve encountered in Mexico is that the word piñata refers not only to the papier mache model that you hit to release lollies, but the word also means birthday party. So you attend a piñata where they will have a piñata. Confusing, no?

Guerita turns 5 in 2 weeks so the preparations for her piñata have begun. Kid’s birthday parties are a big deal here and Guerita is still at an age where the whole class is invited and Mums go along too. We’ve been to quite a few parties in the nearly 2 years that we’ve been here so we have a pretty good idea of the drill:

• The party will have a theme revolving around a popular movie, TV show or toy (we’ve been to Spiderman, Batman, Hello Kitty, Snow White, Transformers, Strawberry Shortcake & Lazytown to name a few)
• The invitations will be distributed (usually through school) no more than 2 days in advance (at which stage I will curse and run round madly trying to buy/scrounge a birthday present)
• The party will be held in a large play centre (capacity around 200 people) which will be filled with family, school friends, family friends, neighbours and every other person you know and their kids
• The play centre will be equipped with playground equipment, a bouncy castle and trampoline. If not already in the centre, these will be hired.
• There will also be some other sort of entertainment hired - usually a clown and/or face painter.
• Food provided - corn chips (to be covered with chilli sauce), soft drink (soda) only, followed by tacos or hot dogs or hamburgers served by a hired catering van.
• There will be a table decorated with balloons and streamers to hold the enormous cake (which will be decorated in the theme) and piles of presents wrapped like this

  

• The kids will be presented with a ridiculously large lolly bag when they leave.

We’ve tried to avoid the over-the-top birthday party since we’ve been here - there’s no way we’d have 200 people to invite anyway! Last year we did a very scaled down version of the above at a local ice-cream joint. The logo of the place was a penguin so we had a penguin theme. There was no play centre, clown or face painter and I was worried the kids would be bored. Of course, they were completely happy running around with each other eating ice-cream and making a penguin-themed craft.

This year we haven’t been able to avoid the commercialised theme party - Guerita choice is (of course) Disney Princesses. I wish she wasn’t so obsessed with all things princess but, after some debate over how much to resist, we have decided to let this phase run its course (it’s got to be just a phase, right - how long can a princess obsession last?)( Don’t answer that, Kelley).

We’re having the party at school this time (the common alternative to the big play centre party) which is a fairly simple affair. We’ll take some decorations and food and cake into school for about 1½ hours, maybe plan a game and that will be it. But we will still have a piñata. Even at a low-key, school birthday party, a piñata is essential.

So, today we went to buy the piñata (Disney Princess, of course). There was much debate about which would be best. Should we get the star with a picture of all the princesses, or the Belle one, or the Sleeping Beauty? Not a decision to be taken lightly and not before closely inspecting each item. Finally it was decided on Sleeping Beauty because she does have a beautiful pink dress and because they had beautiful pink Sleeping Beauty dresses for sale. In Guerita’s size! Oh what luck! My fatal error was taking her with me to buy the piñata, because she was fixated on these dresses as soon as she saw them.

And I am obviously a complete soft touch, because this was the result:

Did I mention that Mexican piñatas are enormous! Look at the size of that thing.

And that was the small one.

At least we continued the time-honoured tradition (well, 2 years in a row) of having a piñata that is bigger than the child

And the Sleeping Beauty dress! Look at the dress! Look at the way it twirls, Mum! It’s great for ballet! Don’t I look like Sleeping Beauty, Mum! Part of me gags at the thought, but look at her face. Look how happy she is.

(Don’t you love the soft focus? What else could you do with a Princess photo???)

So in 2 weeks we will be knee-deep in Princess paraphernalia and I’ll bite my tongue because Guerita will love it.

And then I’ll come and blog about it and complain to you guys!!! Mwahahahahaaa!

I guess that as parents, when we first send our kids off to school, pre-school, kinder or day-care, we have to accept that we are losing a little bit of control over our kids lives. It’s not an easy thing to deal with, for me at least, but I realise that from the moment they are born, we are slowly letting go of our kids. Every day they learn new independent skills, whether its rolling over at 4 months, or climbing the stairs at 1 year, or putting their own school uniform on at 5. Each of the things they learn is something we don’t have to do for them anymore, and that we can’t control to the same extent.

Some of these new independencies are welcome. I am quite happy not to have to wipe Guerita’s bottom anymore and that she can pour her own glass of water, or clear her own plates from the table, but there’s still a bit of sadness that in little ways she doesn’t need me as much anymore.

Guerita has always been independent and self-confident. On the day she started day-care (at 22 months) she ran into the centre, sat at the nearest activity table and looked back at me, waving and saying “You can go now, Mum”. But going to school everyday is still a big step for her, and for me, in letting go of that much of her day. Ever since that first day of day-care, I’ve struggled with the fact that we don’t make all the decisions about what she eats, what she watches, how she spends her time, but that’s part of being a parent, I suppose.

I imagine I would be dealing with similar issues if we were living in Australia when Guerita went off to pre-school and school. Each school would have its systems and beliefs that would hopefully gel with ours and with any luck we’d be happy with the decisions they make on her behalf.

One of the challenges of living in a foreign country, and sending your kids to school there, is that you are dealing with schooling and lifestyle decisions that come from a completely different cultural background. This is part of the expat experience and for the most part it’s not a problem at all. In fact it’s one aspect of the appeal of living in another country. I love Guerita’s school and I think the teachers are fantastic. She’s learnt so much in her nearly 2 years there, not the least of which is fluency in Spanish and a real understanding of a different culture. But sometimes those cultural differences are difficult (for me at least) to reconcile with my own parenting practices.

An example from the other day at school:

• She came home with a birthday party invitation that was a music CD with a custom sticker with the party details (don’t get me started on over-the-top birthday parties). I didn’t recognise the picture on the sticker, so I put the CD on. Guerita straight away said “I know that. That’s High Sky Music“. (She meant High School Musical). It turns out that one of the kids had brought the movie in to school and they all watched it. I went off and watched the movie myself and apart from it being the usual Disney tripe (that’s 90 minutes I’ll never get back), it was pretty tame, but still, it’s not a movie that I would choose for my 4 year old to watch. It might not have any sex, drugs or violence in it, but it has teenage themes, which she really doesn’t need to know about just yet. (Funny aside, though. I was quizzing her about how she knew High School Musical and said “What’s it about, Guerita?” “Oh, you know, singing.” “What do they sing about?” “Just teenage stuff, Mum”) I told the teacher I didn’t want her watching it at school again, which she was fine about, but a bit surprised, I think.

This week she has a sleep-over camp at school.

She’s 4.

I’m still not sure how I feel about this. She could have gone last year (when she was 3!) but we happened to be back in Perth at the time. I was quite relieved to have missed it actually. But this year we are here, so a decision had to be made about whether she would go. I knew she would be devastated if we said no, although if we had been really worried, we wouldn’t have hesitated. I wanted to find out a bit more about it before consenting, though, so I went to talk to the teacher. Guerita’s teacher really is lovely and I think she’s used to all my questions by now, so she wasn’t surprised by my paranoia inquisitive nature.

We were given a note about the schedule for the night - what they would do and eat and what to bring, but I wanted to know the times. Mexicans tend to eat later and go to bed later so I was worried she’d be starving by the time they had dinner.

The teacher told me “They’ll probably eat around 9pm”.

I raised my eyebrows. “Oh! Guerita normally has dinner at 6.30pm.”

“When will they go to bed?”

“Well, some of the kids go to bed at 11pm”

…!!!!…

“And some of them stay up till 1 or 2am.”

“Really??!! Guerita usually goes to bed at 7.30pm.”

I’m sure she’ll be fine. They take great care of the kids, so I’m not worried about that aspect of it, and she’ll have a great time. She’s SO excited.

But I think I’ll feed her before she goes.

And she’s going to be COMPLETELY SHATTERED the next day.